Raves, rants and reviews
Raves, Rants, Reviews

The motorcycle mechanic and the heart surgeon

26/02/2016. Category: Wheels. Topic: , .

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?”  Read more…

Updated spell checker

25/03/2013. Category: Gadgets. Topic: , .

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
Read more…

He said, She said

18/01/2013. Category: People. Topic: .

He said: I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said: You wear pants don’t you?

He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said: That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but drink beer.  Read more…

Big ear-biting woman hits out

14/12/2012. Category: People. Topic: .

Don’t believe everything you read. False rumors and hoax reports are awash on the Internet… and in newspapers.

Remember when the Irianian Fars Agency copied an The Onion story, “Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama” as per New York Times? Only for the New York Times (and many others) itself to fall for another The Onion farce which named North Korea’s Kim Jong-un as the “Sexiest Man Alive.”  Read more…

One thousand dollars in a second

03/06/2012. Category: Raves & Rants. Topic: , .

Joe asks God, “Santa, what does a thousand years mean to you?”
God replies, “A second.”
Joe asks, “And what does a thousand dollars mean to you?”
God replies, “A penny.”
Joe asks, “Can I have a penny?”
God replies, “In a second.”

Santa and the clever banker

02/06/2012. Category: People. Topic: , .

An honest politician, a clever banker and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $10 bill. Which one picked it up?

Santa. The other two don’t exist!

Achieve inner peace

13/07/2011. Category: Raves & Rants. Topic: .

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I had started and hadn’t finished.

I managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sahre dhis wif dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr piecs. An telum,u blody luvum!

[lol. dis waz emald ot me]

Smarter after a few beers

27/06/2011. Category: Raves & Rants. Topic: .

In the TV sitcom “Cheers” –

Cliff to Norm: “Well you see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Read more…

Computer gender

07/04/2011. Category: People. Topic: , .

A Spanish teacher was explaining to the class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”
“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”

A student asked, “What gender is computer?”

Instead of giving the answer the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computadora) because: Read more…