How to find WDMs in Crimea
Let’s not beat about the bush. The Crimea crisis is serious. Billions of dollars are at stake: the control of gas and oil pipe lines and the heads up on oil and electricity futures.
Fighting for control over the flow of money is, however, a battle that is played in the secrecy of bank boardrooms. The public face of it is found in batons and bullets. So, the question is, in order to take control of the money paths that run through the Crimea, how does one start another dirty little war?
History repeats itself. Let’s look at the same old sins to find a possible way for the money men to fire the first shot:
1. Call in Lloyd Blankfein. He’ll create a quick pump-and-dump method to weaken the local market so that everyone will lose their jobs, get extremely frustrated and start killing each other. Then Blankfein will command Barack Obama to bring out the drones.
2. Call in the EU parliament. The total political and financial chaos that they will create will confuse everyone to the point that everybody will start shooting at each other.
3. Call in Vladimir Putin. He will scare the shit out of everyone for a while, there will be some shooting, and then he’ll go back to riding a horse bare-chested. (Okay, he’s already there and already causing a scare.)
4. Call in Tony Blair. He’ll find weapons of mass destruction in the Crimea. The rest will be a repeat of history.
Crimea is a real nice place to visit. Let’s not start a war there!